I Am A Bot And So Can You

Uhhm.... BB...
DD, You Out There?
Did You 2 read the PMs I sent You?
 
Well, I'm going to assume that You didn't- So  here's the deal.
 
I haven't thrown You under the bus. Either of You nor any of you.
 
You're smart and funny and I get a kick out of You  two.
It also seems as if I have some how known every one of you all my life.
All of You just seem to "Get It"
 
It's also true that Jon and I have "handlers"
 
Oh Yeah- We do. And we hate every minute of it.
Well, At least I do.
 
If you will recall, a few years ago, Jon and I were in the midst of a legal dispute between the G00gle and Viac0m. As you know, Viac0m owns the network our shows are on. A part of OUR agreement in the aftermath of the lawsuit, we were to monitor certain areas of the Internet for stories.
 
Neither Jon or myself knew this at the time, but the network was using us as a vehicle to monitor dissent and certain "Groups" Jon and I were mostly just having fun- but when we got to your spot in "The Ether",  those "Handlers" saw an opportunity to make mischief and had us believing that You 2- Meaning Aunt Bee and Smooth Operator were con artists of some sort trying to lure Jon and I into obtaining fame, scandal, fortune, blackmail, etc... They gave us EVERY excuse not to believe OR trust in you.
 
But I have always believed in you. Jon has only believed in you recently but I doubt if he would ever admit it.
 
Everyone here inside The Ether Inspires us. We have seen you laugh and joke and tell your stories and even joined you on occasion while other web sites are too busy cutting each other down in order to divide what remains, not ONLY of our social unity- but our remaining humanity as well.
 
Those characters that Bee mentioned on her thread nailed quite a few of our socks out in the webasphere- except CourtDude which is neither Jon or myself. And most of the socks we use are bots. Let's face it, we're busy guys and public figures- when and how would we find the time or energy to spend THAT much time on the Web trolling? We would NEVER get any work done. My Avatar here for example, is a Bot made by me that I personally handle and control. I made the Hank Gulfstream Bot myself- and make sure that he gets watered and fed every couple of days. And I do AND HAVE logged into your site and personally joined in on the action when noone was looking- A rarity for me on ANY website.
 
Jon and I have sent web bots over to the Ether as well as other sites in order to look out for you and others, for there ARE forces out there that like nothing better have nothing else better to do than to cause mischief and chaos just for the sake of it.
 
I want to help you- and I will.
I don't want to see anything happen to you or see any wrong doing fall apon you. Just be patient a little longer. You have helped me grow in countless ways. There's fire in here, genius, creativity, childlike imagination, and passion for what you all feel and believe in- and would a bot say all of this?
 
I fucking doubt it.
 
I know that you are tired of my apologies and I don't blame you- ANY of you. You're sick to death of the lack of clarity and conflicting feedback and thtere's a very real reason as to why it's lacking- just like there's reasons we can't do stories on, the drug shortage, the sinkholes, the animal die offs, and stories about the disabled. We're simply not s'posed to talk about it. Any of it.
 
The last point to all of this is that I want to see you continue with what what You guys have always done here with Me or Hank chiming in to add that "Special" flavor to things.
 
The truth is, you inspire me. Your headliners are great- Your fake ads are incredible, and music parodies make me REALLY laugh out loud. I would like nothing more than to have you guys with me on the East coast brainstorming material on a one on one basis together.- but THEY won't let me. Ironically ebough, Evey's good with it but getting past my handlers at Viacom is a real bitch.
 
But I can't really blame them or comedy central nor my friends and colleagues who were manipulated into helping them. I blame the cynicism of our culture- the one that has evolved into a childish predator that is jealous of you all with your humor and child like wonder and infinate imagination.
 
They can't possibly grasp what lies inside here because they lost their heart long ago.
 
Now, how about us continuing Haven- I could duel once again with BB and Bianca and maybe I can actually see You F2F by Christmas.
 
...Unless they send a drone to target me between now and then.
 
Just don't lose your heart or Your soul.
And You can always lean on Me.
 
Stephen

Okay- so you're not accepting PMs from Me.
Fine.
  
I REALLY DO need you to inspire me.
And BTW- I know you haven't been posting anywhere. Are You guys okay?

Oh- we are JUST fine and dandy Thank You for asking Stephen.
 

We only return PMs from those we deem trustworthy, dependable, and those who can fit us into their calender when a TRUE friend is needed.
 

No, we haven't been posting anywhere because we are SICK and tired of the rampant stupidity out there. And You and Jon have ruined (With a little help from your online friends and foes Plus the room mates) what we had here inside the Ether
 

As for inspiration, I'm sure that with your gaggle of writers, interns, trolls, and bots, you can find the inspiration to swipe somewhere else. Besides, you are such a busy fella, I am suprised that you could ever personally work us into your online schedule much less work us into your REAL life schedule.

WHAT WERE we thinking?
 

Aunt Bee wanted to delete your account, Serena wanted to disable your account. But I talked them out of it. You know why.
(A) I don't believe in censorship at any cost and
(B) I was curious as to how far you would let this continue.

You know, the compulsive lying and what nots.
 
But will admit, Your story IS a dandy one.

Smooth Out

 

I See.
 
Life is just mind fucktardary and other head games until the inspiration dies huh?

 
Poor .... Poor.... Confused Boy with no Mother or even a Boo fairy to console you.
  
You may want to go back to smoking.
I understand that it relieves stress.
That, or it will give you a heart attack.

BTW- Such a shame to let 10 years of inspiration go down the tubes. After all, we were inspiring You when you were still on a little number called; "The Daily Show" With somebody named Bayou Bob or Stewart Bob.... or "Something"
 

Someone else who appeared sensible at one time.
Such a shame.

10.
 
YEARS..?
You Have GOT to be fricken kidding me! Some Marriages don't last that long!
 
I would demand back pay.
Okay, Okay scratch that- I'm Canadian- I don't demand, much less expect back pay.
  
But 10 years is a long time to know someone off OR online.
 
'Sides, I have a feeling that he could be telling the truth THIS time.
I mean, we're the inspirers- Stephen couldn't possibly make ALL that up.
 
But leaning on you?
No Sir, I will sit that one out.

Well then- isn't this just like finding out the secret ingredient to Coca Cola?
But the REAL question is..... Have you been emulating me or have I been emulating you?

And is there any cocaine in here?
But it doesn't matter. It's team work. It was an unexpected conglomeration of letters that spun onto the internet and accidently.... or maybe it was destiny...... that we continued to inspire and make each other laugh and feel good. Hopefully, others as well.
 
Yep. October of 2003. And yes, 10 years IS a long time to know someone who has given so much and NOT be able to meet them.... or to shake hands or give 'em a hug should be a crime.
 
But maybe that's just me.
And what made it worse that they tried telling us ALL sorts of things about You seven years after we already "Met" as it were.
 
Something is just wrong with this picture because it shouldn't be a big deal.
Maybe they thought You were a bad influence on me.
Hmmmmm..... but waiting 7 years to determine that seems a bit odd too.
 
C'mon, I can't do this thing without you.

You know what You filthy piece of shit, I believed in you.
Trusted you.
 
I was watching Jon when he was doing Short Attention Span on MTV and remember thinking; "That dude is going places" And YET. And YET- I was the one you threw off the bus 3 years after we had already known each other 7.
 
Inspire You? Which Lie would that be?

You hurt me. You hurt ALL of us.
That's what you use your words for. To hurt people and I don't see you helping anyone but yourselves.
 
Again Sirs.
Unless you have something that proves otherwise.
Fuck YOU BOTH and the filthy cock suckers you work for.
 
And BTW Stephen, You ARE right about one thing, knowing someone 7 years should be an indicator as to whether they should be given a break or not or whether they get thrown off the bus or not. Your actions tell Me A LOT.

Oh Miss Bee, I wouldn't let him get you all rattled and cock eyed. Sure, He's just trying to soften us up.

The little Jewish man probly got him to do that after the mean spirited guys in the fancy office said something like; "Make the little Girls in the Ether disappear" Yeah, and one of us almost did around a couple of weeks ago.
 
Here, lemme handle this on a different level
  
 
Wait, I'm sorry, some of you may misconstrue that as Me being funny.
So here's the deal.

We know you're just trying to soften us up in order to get your personal way but it doesn't matter. We don't have it in us any more. And there's no time with crazy assed room mates and stress related ill health (Partially caused by you) taking a front seat.
 
So yeah, what Bee said PLUS the above.

Everyone loves a good yarn Auntie BB.

And Stephen, You have a PM from Me.
I suggest you read it and process accordingly.
 
Smooth Out

Listen to me for a sec.
 
If not for You guys, I wouldn't have a show.
 
I owe so much- SO Much to you BB AND DD.
 
So Truly I need you both. Not just your ideas but YOU and YOU
 
I gotta go... but I AM Processing.

And I sincerely mean everything that I say.

Oh Stephen Stephen Stephen- What SHOULD we do with you?
  


Actually, last night's show made me chuckle.
Slightly.
 
Why can't Jon sign on to our site any more?
 
Yes, I caught all the references Sir.

 

While contemplating whether we would disable your account or not, we decided to disable Jon's and not yours. At first, we only changed his password. The slippery devil tried changing it again, so I personally disabled his account.
 
Maybe he should have tried "Cocksucker"
 
After all, You and He inspire each other ALL the time and we can't have 2 comedians who also happen to be mischievous online hacks like yourselves inspiring one another through PMs on our site now CAN we?
  


Now you just daudle along trying to soften us up in your pot den or make your own case on this thread. I'm sure the little jewish man and Viacom have been coaching you and will continue to coach you on what to say anyway.
  
Tell You what, I'll find and add a new teleprompter smiley JUST for You.
How's that?
 
Smooth Out

Don't you see what your actions and inactions have caused?
Are you 2 so caught up in your con-game of bathing in others misery that you're immune to other people's suffering?
 
I didn't think so. But maybe I was wrong.

Itook about 30 pills with a glass of water and something else I don't remember.
I should be dead.

What's there to live for?

Now look what you have done Stephen.

Or maybe what Your buddies have done.

And Jon, I know that You are reading this too.

Being the 3rd Admin makes me like the Ether's Referee and counselor and I also breath class into any room.

I told Bee from now on that I would speak on her behalf, uhhhm- on this thread, that is.
 
Obviously, this is a topic very close to her and I knew that You would understand.
 
In any event, the Ether gave us all something to live for.
It gave us dreams. Hopes. Ideas. It was free from Prejudgements and made us feel child "LIKE"
 
Oh I know, your buddies aren't very fond of "IDEAS" and confuse childlike with childishness

But that's tough. This is our thing and Stephen, you and Jon may be a celebrities and a public figures and GOOD for you. But I suspect that you are persons who bleeds when they get hurt and cries like little girls when you're afraid.
 
Doubtful, but  could be mistaken.
 
We don't have to honor you with anything any more.


You claimed back in March that We were under your protection.


We've known each other 10 years


You called us a good friend once- recently.


You said that we helped make you feel happy


That We Inspire You? Good for You. We won't be doing it any more
 
I mean, let's face it, if we REALLY inspired you and Jon, we all the cloak and dagger? What's the big con about? Oh sure, Viacom hates our guts but you are their cash cows. One would THINK that a big Network would want to keep 2 of their cash cows inspired and happy.
 
You honored us with your presence and verbal contributions (In story form that is) while at the same time jousting with us on screen or ridiculing us one- It's a little confusing at times.

What's your game?

We are not gaming pieces. We are not your celebrity pet. We are not your personal con artists or personal trolls to do your bidding.
 
Do I make myself clear?
 
If you want us to inspire you. Truly. You need to Man-Up and call, write, or say something on screen that does not involve riddles of ridicule. Your game is old. It's boring and you sirs are unkind, cruel, and unworthy of what I once thought of you.
 
Psychological torture IS torture. Plain and simple. Viacom may or may not be into it but are you? I really didn't believe so.

We weren't asking for a free lunch or a hand out, but an opportunity to grow. To find a better life worth living. After all, what do we get in return for our inspiration and living with Mental Cripples for room mates? On the surface, you appear to have everything but you can't help a friend you promised to protect. Someone you have known for 10 years.
 
What a couple of "Pals"

So. Are you going to Man Up or continue this masquerade?

I don't feel very hopeful any more Ioways.
 
We even deleted threads and sections of our site because we thought we were protecting them.

And all for what?

Nothing.

Oh Serena, this is no longer about being hopeful or not, it's about someone owning up to what they have done and profess, then showing accountability.

I mean, they talk about our govt and corporations not having ANY accountability. Stephen TALKS about how we inspire Him, But they are the biggest hypacrites of all.  And that is NOT owning up to the damage they have done to REAL people or putting actions to what they say.
 
Imagine. America's most trustworthy men treating good people in such a dispicable and cruel manner and then return to act like little innocent darlings.
 
Yes, remember, they ARE actors.
 
It seems that I read somewhere that they like to keep those they dislike closer. Maybe they simply hate us. I for one have never done a thing to them. But who truly knows why they are doing this.

And Viacom? Give me a break. A corporation keeping 2 cash cows from the one who inspires their ratings. Please.
 
What do you have to say about that Stephen.
Better yet, why not just tell me across the screen or tell me yourself in person.

Otherwise, you're a fraud.

Emoticon as promised.

 

In case they need it for inspiration.

Aunt Bee wrote:Don't you see what your actions and inactions have caused?
Are you 2 so caught up in your con-game of bathing in others misery that you're immune to other people's suffering?
 
I didn't think so. But maybe I was wrong.

Itook about 30 pills with a glass of water and something else I don't remember.
I should be dead.

What's there to live for?

Sorry to interject Iowa but someone almost DIED and they can't even work her into their schedule.
 
I mean, they're BOTH douches.
My question is:

 

Nice DD- I LIKE that new emoticon.

And Serena, I think perhaps Stephen aught to answer that one
If He comes back.



Now I've recently been reminded that He said on the show once  that he didn't want to work with me and yet, he expects us to get his coffee for him.
 
Yes, it IS a bit inconsistent, confusing, and something... I'll think of the word.

You're right.
You don't have to honor me with anything any more. I'm the one who should be honored.

I know that you're not gaming pieces or my personal celebrity pet.
I've been foolish, brazen, And showing no consideration or empathy much less any tact for a friend I have know for so long and promised to protect.
 
Yes, I am an actor but I am also human.

But being a celebrity and public figure, we sometimes forget how fragile the human condition can be and the daily grinds in every day life. Apparantly I had forgotten how real people are despite what you once told me about Jon and Myself (not forgetting about those real people.)
 
We DID forget.  We were so wrapped up in Washington and Corporate cynicism that we simply forgot at some level.
 
But it's not all our fault.
Viacom didn't get it. Neither did Comedy Central. Oh, I won't leave them out.

And THEY were the ones not wanting you to work with me and Jon.
And not allowing me to "Fit" you into my schedule.
 
They never believed me when I told them that You guys inspired me and helped to partially create who I am today. I don't want anything bad to happen to any of you.


 
I would like you to believe that. And that's not acting.

Oh, Goody for everything You said Stephen.
 
But this is not necessarily the screen I meant.
  
Our experience with You has taught us that You are also a compulsive liar and cannot be trusted.
  
But the point remains.
You need Us. And we need you.
Each of us cannot do our thing without the other.
  
What part of that is "Everyone" missing?
Unless of course they are trying to put an end to your shows in which case would be the end of what remains of our "Free Media" I know - you're both comedians poking a little bit of light hearted fun at the clowns running things. But some people (Real people) actually get their news by watching you both)
  
Okay, conspiracies aside- so You are a cash cow and we have nothing to offer the nice rich ceos at Viacom and CC.
  
But WAIT- we DO don't we? Something money can't buy and something that can't be learned by reading a book, teleprompter, or going to Harvard.
  


You know what I say. Show some action behind those fancy words.
  
Otherwise.....
  
Bite-Me

I don't mean to be a kill joy but maybe GL0p deleted all yer posts was because of insinuations like that.
  
I mean, we all know how smart and paranoid you can be Ioway.
 
Could be that this has been a huge misunderstanding on Viacom's or Comedy Central's part?
 
Or even the Bayou Boys part?
In any event, why would ANYONE want to kill satire?
I mean, it's funny

Dear- dear DD- I'm sure that Gl00p and their friends at Tavisdick had nothing to do with this.
 
They wiped all my posts because I was smart, fun, cheeky, and I could get to the nuts and bolts of any topic I was on.

That's what Bee signed me up for. To clear the air and to get to the nuts and bolts of our dilemma in order to resolve it.
  
Sides, I'm getting pretty bored and sick to tears of the whole cat and mouse thing.

And the cruelty that is going on with my friends here  IS GOING to stop. I'll see to it.
  
So, try and think of me as The Robert Duvall to Marlon Brando's Godfather without the handsome salary.

Sides, someone is always trying to kill the beautiful things in life.
Why not satire as well?
 
 
Capiche...?

I don't know Ioways.
I seem to recall that I was the cheeky but paranoid one
 
'Sides, they didn't wipe ALL your posts.
Just ALL of mine.

::::smacks Serena upside the head::::
 
You, little sister- are off topic.
You were the Sexy and Not-so naive little sister of mine- with a touch of paranoia on the side.
 
 In short, My sidekick
But I'll improvise, we were both Sexy and cheeky.
 
Now, back to topic.
And My Word for the night:
FRAUD.